its my life story

lumrah kehidupan

04 March 2012 @ 2:59 AM

Hi!
yeah, im back for a short while! hahhhh!
recently something bad happened. Oh well.
yeah, partly my fault because of twitting it. BUT,
i dint mention names besides 2nd bro & mom.
So, yeah.
Im still mad and frustrated with mom. Im her only daughter.
why cant she understand my real and pure intention?
why? why must my good intention always, ALWAYS got
misunderstood? why? you dk how much it made me sad.
how much it hurts me when ppl think negatively about me
when my intention is for the best, not for me. but for my love
ones especially. Day by day, i realize, they havent know me well yet.
not even 50% fully know me.
kadang-kadang rasenye mcm aku ni anak angkat gitu kan. hah!
rasenye, sangat menyedihkan. sangat sakit. sakit sekali.
tapi apekan daye aku? aku pon manusia biase.
bile fikirkan abg pertame, kakak ipar dan anak sdare.
aku bersyukur. bersyukur sangat Allah anugerahkan
org seperti mereke. walaupun mak ckp abg pertame tak solat
mcm yg abg kedue, tapi Alhamdulillah, abg pertame aku lah yang
sangat memahami isi hati aku. penderitaan aku selame ini.
begitu jugak kakak ipar aku. Ya Allah, terime kasih kerane
kau jodohkan abgku dgn kakak iparku Ya Allah.
merekalah tempat aku mengadu nasib, tempat aku bergurau senda,
segala-galanya. aku tak tau, klau drg takde, entah aku rase
da terjun bunuh diri agaknye aku ni. HAH!
problem tht happened recently just made me realize, even your
loved ones can hate you, can love oth child like their own child.
can rmbr oth child's birthdate but not their own child's.
Oh how i wished i am and i was the oth child.
How i wished i wsnt born by mom but by the oth mom
so my mom can love me like her own child.
How i wish.................
But things happened for a reason right?
For now, i know all the reason. but to me, its kinda
redundant to say it out, to even think about it.
cause in the end, no one cares. no one bothers.
because love is blind. you can even push all the blames to your
own blood just because your love to your other half
is that hug gigantic big!
One thing i hated the most, ppl to misunderstood me for my good intention.
but if they do, then i dont think they ought to be respected.
because why? they hated me for no reason.
they hated me for the things they see but did not listen
and study what i tried to explain.
yeah, im just 20 turning 21. but, i certainly know where i stand
for myself and also most importantly my family.
I always hold on to this saying,
In times of hard time, the one whom will always be by your side is
YOUR FAMILY.
but i guess i hoped too much for that to happened.
but its okay, im glad, Allah is always with me.
Allah knows im doing this to protect my family's name
& dignity. but well,
kadang-kadang nak menegakkan kebenaran pon salah kan?
in the end, kau jgk yg diperslhkan atas semuenye. itulah lumrah kehidupan.

Labels: life is so complicated

Hi im back (:

27 September 2011 @ 4:25 AM

Hi! im back for monthssss after not blogging for long! heh!
well, am not going to delete this blog for obvious sake.
This blog have been with me for like years & delete it away just
as same as im deleting apart of me. Too much things ive blogged.
And this blog have been there for me thru ups & down tho! (:

Ive too much of things ive yet to say.
Eversince im on twitter like 24hours, twitter have been there for
me now. But love, im not gna abandon you for real k?
im just plain to lazy to update you. But once in a while you know,
i visited you.
Did pretty well for my year 3 exams. beyond my expectations.
mom bought for me new cloth just because i did well.
I cried. Too happy. haha. & thank you mom,
you've been great! Im glad your proud of me, whateverthings i do.
Ive got alot to say. But ill keep it for later then!
anyway, Mom been keep asking too much abt a particular friend of mine.
every now and then. yes, i am that JEALOUS.
told first bro & sis in law. they teased me instead. well,
i ought to feel jealous aint i?
Eventho mom gave me & showered me with hell more things
then others, still, im jealous.
Oh mom, stop being SOOOOO nice to my friends.
i know your so kind and good. But you havta remember your
only daughter here are like crushing into pieces inside.
& rmbr, that friend of mine hurt me like no tmr before.
You knew it.
So please mom, stop asking abt tht friend of mine.
shes not my bestf nor anything.
Or maybe, im still paranoid about the past.
Well, trust that are crushed into million pieces are definitely hard to
be mend that quickly.
Just so you know, i got problem in trusting people easily nowadays.
Unless they prove me wrong and convince me why i shud trust them.

But again, once my trust are broken,
it take years to build that trust back.
You wldnt know how hurt it feels like
being betrayed.

Labels: broken and hurt

09 July 2011 @ 4:59 PM

My life is pretty useless.